i started this blog several years ago when i saw what artists were doing on the Internet, and how well photographs usually appear in this medium (i've always loved viewing photographs with light passing through them rather than reflecting off their surface). Once i got going, i immediately wished to share it with my Best Friend...my "Best Boy" ...a nephew. He has always been one of my dearest fans and his delight/enjoyment was my chief reward and i was always eager to see what he thought of each post. Then i told a few more "old friends" and then began posting on your blogs and have enjoyed this curiously addicting communication.
Dear Friends of the Internet...The Boy has left us. Not of his own accord. He certainly didn't want to...after all, he had just found the love of his life last spring and married last fall. But...
i've been struggling, trying to find the words to say this without using the words
"his heart failed him"
For a couple of weeks, he prepared himself to be placed on a transplant list. Then "last chance" treatments seemed to be helping. But, that's the way it goes sometimes...just when you think things are getting better...the bottom drops away.
so this is just me trying to say to those of you who have been kind, supportive visitors
i had to say something here
i couldn't just keep posting and not
because this silly little fun thing was first and foremost one of the tender ties between The Boy and me
i know that all of you know this type of hollowness
and i know he knows all too well
loss is something he knew too early, too often
and now again.
There is a list that keeps rolling around in my head:
the heart of the matter
ya gotta have heart
it takes heart
heart of gold
with all of my heart
from the bottom of my heart
always in my heart
bless his heart
i will not keep saying, "he was"
He is gentle, funny, a tease, a flirt, truly guileless, and always in my heart, my eyes.
He has tremendous courage.
He has heart
He never gave up.
He is all heart.
in our joys and in our sorrows...
that i would end up using this blog
with and for the heart.
Jonathan Gerritt Peter Paine
because of you, i am slowly becoming a better me
this photo was taken about 25 years ago